In today's BBC News of the Middle East, Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador "after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear."I don't mean to be self-depreciating but I really don't believe that, given a weekend and a bottle of good Irish whiskey, I could come up with this next sentence all by myself.
"Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth."
Given the growing tendency of contemporary media to play fast and loose with the facts, I tried that. I took one of the rubber balls my dogs play with, washed it off, stuck it in my mouth and tried to say "Tzuriel Refael."
The best I could muster was something like "Cawoooo cacawaoooo."
I tried to say "Diplomatic immunity" but it came out sounding pretty much the same.
The BBC story continued: "Haaretz website reports that police found Mr Refael in the Israeli embassy compound where he had been found bound, gagged and naked apart from sado-masochistic sex accessories." In training for the 2008 Summer Understatement Olympics, a foreign ministry official described Ambassador Tzuriel Refael's behaviour as an "unprecedented embarrassment."
The last time I looked, the top rated TV series in the US was the original C.S.I. Las Vegas. I can't remember who or where but one critic I read in reference to the series made an observation I think fits well here. The critic said that there was no more appropriate program to sit at the top of the ratings during the Bush Administration.
If you're at all familiar with the series you understand that the consistant moral lesson underpinning all the various crimes and misdemeanors is this: Step outside Traditional American Family Values and you will end up extanguinated in a dark alley with a pair of pantyhose stuffed in your mouth.
Why is it that our interest in a middle-aged Jewish man's fascination for vibrating butt plugs will always trump our interest in stories of actual corruption? An Israeli Ambassador caught selling secrets to Iran is page 6 unless it involves a relationship with a seductive Iranian spy, then it's page one. Make that a seductive male spy and the story goes above the fold.
Perhaps it's driven by the same need that seems to drive most everything, the need to know that we're not alone.
Of course the pastor did lines of coke off the breasts of the exotic dancer because to NOT do lines of coke off the breasts of the exotic dancer when its offered to you, with a straw lodged conveniently between them, would be the most unnatural act of all.
Ray Davies is a genius.
cause he gets up in the morning,
And he goes to work at nine,
And he comes back home at five-thirty,
Gets the same train every time.
cause his world is built round punctuality,
It never fails.
And he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.
And his mother goes to meetings,
While his father pulls the maid,
And she stirs the tea with councilors,
While discussing foreign trade,
And she passes looks, as well as bills
At every suave young man
cause he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.
And he likes his own backyard,
And he likes his fags the best,
cause he's better than the rest,
And his own sweat smells the best,
And he hopes to grab his fathers loot,
When pater passes on.
cause he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.
And he plays at stocks and shares,
And he goes to the regatta,
And he adores the girl next door,
cause he's dying to get at her,
But his mother knows the best about
The matrimonial stakes.
cause he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.
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